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Helga on the Couch/Quotes
Helga :I'm late for school and no one made my lunch. Miriam :Oh, yeah, I did, honey, I put it out for you... it's... it's around here somewhere... (opens oven door) ...Oh, here it is! Helga :Moist towelettes, an individual packet of crackers and... a can of shaving cream? Miriam :How did that get in there? Uh-oh, uh-oh, that must mean the cheese fizz is in B's medicine cabinet. Big Bob :AHHH!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN A BEEPER EMPORIUM WITH MY FACE SMELLING LIKE HICKORY SMOKED CHEDDAR, MIRIAM??!! ---- Dr. Bliss :Principal Wartz, I'm Dr. Bliss. Principal Wartz :Oh, Dr. Bliss, I'm Principal Wartz. Welcome to P.S. 118. Dr. Bliss :Thank you. Principal Wartz (nervously) :What do you mean by that? Dr. Bliss :Nothing. ---- Helga :What are you looking at? ---- Helga :Hey who's the skirt? ---- Helga :So I hit him, so what? Brainy he doesn't mind, I do it all the time. What? You would sock him too if he was standing behind you breathing. ---- Helga I'm not angry. ---- Helga :That's obvious Bob. ---- Helga :So, are you a real doctor? I mean, if I suddenly had a heart attack, would you be able to save me? Dr. Bliss :Well, there is a heart clinic upstairs, so this would actually be a very convenient place for you to have a heart attack. ---- Dr. Bliss :How about we try a little word association? Now, I'm going to read off this list of words, and I want you to say the next word that comes to mind. Helga (to herself) :Steady girl, you can do it. Do not say Arnold. Dr. Bliss :Love. Helga :Hate. Dr. Bliss :Rocket. Helga :Locket... pocket... Davey Crocket! Dr. Bliss :Football. Helga :Head... ha... did I say head? I mean game. Football game. Dr. Bliss :Monday. Helga :Night Football. (falls out of chair) ...enough word association. Dr. Bliss :Good Idea. ---- Big Bob :Uhhhhh... In a minute, Olga. Little Helga :NO! I'm HELGA, Dad! HELGA! ---- Young Arnold :I like your bow.I like your bow 'cause its pink like your pants. ---- Young Helga :I love you, Arnold, and I want to marry you. ---- Helga :I love Arnold! There, I said it! I love him! I love him! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! I'm absitively posolutly in love with the boy! I want to grow up having a fabulous life, traveling around the world with him! Coffee in Paris, roses sailboats, the whole nine yards, I want to have a perfume named after us "Arnold Helga!" I Love ARNOLD!!!! ---- Helga :Man. That was building up for a while Dr. Bliss :I know. But you said it. And the world didn't end, did it? Helga :(sighs) No. I guess I'm pretty sick, aren't I? I mean, I once sculpted Arnold's likeness out of wads of his used gum. Dr. Bliss :You're not sick. You feel your feelings very strongly. You're very creative. (Pauses) Did you say used gum? ---- Helga :So it's okay to be obsessed about him? You know, the shrines, the 3 AM vigils, the chanted spells? Dr. Bliss :As long as you're not hurting anyone it sounds like an okay way to express yourself. Helga :So animal sacrifices are out? Dr. Bliss :Yes, I'm afraid so. ---- Helga :If you ever tell anyone, I'll rip your tongue out and wrap it around your neck! ---- Helga :(collides with him and falls) Arnold! Arnold :Sorry, Helga. (helps her up) Helga :Arnold! I just want to say that, that... that you should watch where you're going, Football Head, quit crashing into me all the time! Sheesh! (Helga runs away.) Arnold :Nice running into you too Helga. Helga :(watches him from an alley) Look at him, all ticked off. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know my secret. What a sap! What a maroon! He still can't even tell. But I adore him! (looking at her locket) Ohhh, my football-headed love god! I'm okay, you're okay, we're all okay! I love you! Love you! LOVE YOU! :(Brainy comes out of a corner and hands her a ring.) :Hey look Brainy, this is just weird. How is it that you're standing behind me again? How did you get in this little arch? Where you waiting for me to come into this alley? What's your deal? So, I am not gonna hit you this time, today I'm feeling generous, but tomorrow look out. Category:Helga on the Couch Category:Quotes